You know when you first meet someone and it feels like life suddenly becomes a Rom-Com movie and you’re Kate Hudson? And the person who we fell in love with wouldn’t also be the one who broke our hearts?
It’s a vicious cycle - we fall in love, we get hurt, we stay. Over, and over again. This is what we call a “toxic relationship.” And no matter how hard we may try, that person you may ‘love’ is NOT the person for you.
Love can be VERY addictive, and all relationships can be likened to an addiction. However, the power of this can be self-destructive. When relationships become loveless, hostile, stingy or dangerous, you would think they would be easy to leave, but they can be the hardest ones to walk away from. Trust me, I’ve gone through this many years ago and I’m not proud of it. I was comfortable. I was afraid to be alone. I was also EXTREMELY unhappy.
There is a difference between being stuck in a bad relationship and just going through a rough time together. All couples have storms they have to weather. But how you handle them both together and separately really will say a lot.
If you feel like you’re stuck in a dead-end relationship, or having trouble with the moving on process, here are a few tips and tricks to help you out.
knowing when to let go.
For me, it was when my ex would change his number and disappear for a week or two on end. At first, it really bothered me. But after some time, it became our new ‘normal.’ He would live his own life for weeks, I accepted it, then when he came back around, I allowed it. This was a total mind-fuck for me. But once I stopped caring about where he was, I knew it was time to move on.
do not contact him (or her).
This was hard for me, but as I said, he would constantly change his number so trying to contact him was like an Olympic sport that I just couldn’t train hard enough to win. It’s just so tempting to send a text; even a not so nice one. If I had to do it all over again, I would do everything Cold Turkey. I would have blocked his number first, blocked all of his social media accounts, and just started the moving on process sooner rather than later.
write shit down.
Make a list of all the things your significant other does (did) that pisses you off! Seeing those horrible traits actually on paper will help you to realize that they’re toxic and it’s time to move on. There may be things on the list that can be forgivable, but things like cheating and disappearing acts will make you thankful to be out of that relationship.
keeping busy & getting out.
Keeping busy with positive people and just getting out of the house will help you move on 10000%! The longer you stay in, the more you’ll think about your ex which you cause you to feel sad and possibly reach out to him or her. Then when they ignore you, you feel like shit. I’m a firm believer in positive people = positive feelings. While you’re out, try to avoid spots where you may run into your ex. This happened to me (and he was with another girl). I decided to get extremely drunk and start fights with everyone. #Classy
go on & date.
When I finally mustered up the courage to get back out there, that was when I started to feel like myself again. There is NOTHING WRONG with casual dating (or casual sex for that matter). You’re an adult, and you won’t find your Prince Charming by sitting on your couch alone every night. Dating different people will also give you the opportunity to see what you want or what you DON’T want in a future partner.
Dating is hard. Relationships are HARD. But once you find that one person, you’ll be able to look back, laugh, and if you’re like me write about your past mistakes and boast about your happiness.